Okay. At the behest of my friend and my aunt's primary caregiver, Debbie, I am going to let you all in on one of the dumbest days in my life. (She was involved but found it amusing enough to be willing to tell you all about it!) It happened a bit back and I was debating whether I wanted to reveal my lack of brainpower that day. For the sake of amusement (yours, not mine!), I am going to tell it all.
So... I drove back to La. on Friday, January 2nd. Everything was just fine. I made my last stop before arriving at my aunt's house in Newton, Texas... about 20 miles from DeRidder. There were no issues there nor anything to hint at what was to come!
Saturday morning, January 3rd, Debbie and I were going out to run an errand. We were going to take my 'Burb. As I approached it, I clicked the unlock button on the key chain. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zero. Dead. I used the key to open the door (this was my only bright moment in this experience!), placed the key in the ignition, and turned it. Not a click, moan, groan, hum... Dead. Fine. Reckon it's the battery, right? Sure. Makes sense. Can't remember when I put the last battery in but it's probably been a while. Uh-huh.
We are resourceful women, my friend, Debbie, and I. We can jump that bad boy and make that run up to the Wal-Mall (as I have christened the local WalMart) to get a new battery. Heck yeah!! So, Debbie drags out her jumper cables, I lift the hood of the 'Burb to get a bead on where the battery lies, and Debbie pulls on up as closely as possible perpendicular to the right front tire of the 'Burb. (The 'Burb was parked nose-in to a garage door with a wall to the left... the only available spot to work from was the right front.) I watch Debbie jump out of her Blazer (yes, it's Chevy to Chevy!) after releasing her hood from within her vehicle. She calmly walks to the front of the Blazer... and is unable to open the hood. Yeppir, folks. She banged on that sucker, talked to it, massaged it... it didn't move. Her comment? "This has never happened before." Okay.
No problem!! My aunt's nearly new '08 Lucerne is sitting in the driveway with a nearly new battery!! We'll just use HER car to jump the 'Burb. Uh-huh. So, with the confidence of someone totally unaware of the Pamploma bull rushing up behind her, I opened the hood of the Lucerne to locate the battery. I stood there. I looked. I looked some more. I kept looking. Debbie wandered over to see what was taking me so long. She looked. She looked some more. She kept looking. "Debbie... I don't see a battery under this hood!" "Me, either!" We looked. We looked some more. We kept looking. No battery. Okay. I'm getting the Owners Manual out!! (Note this occurred rather quickly which is your confirmation there were two women involved in this quest... no men. Sorry, gentlemen.) The Owners Manual reveals strange news. The battery, my blog fans, is underneath the BACK SEAT BEHIND THE DRIVER'S SEAT!!! WHAT?!?!?!?!?!? I am of the generation of carburetors. I know what "butterfly" means in reference to one. The mass of metal and plastic under the hood of this '08 Lucerne was like moving to DOS after having learned only Windows. The only vehicle I have ever known to have a battery under a back seat was the Volkswagen Bug. That made sense. The stinkin' ENGINE was under the trunklid!! Sigh.
Okay. We now have not only information on the whereabouts of the battery but have also learned there is a way to "remotely" jump the vehicle... which will also apply to using it to jump another vehicle... our quest. All we need to do now is close the hood of the Lucerne, move it over near the 'Burb, and give it a go!! I press gently on the hood, my father's words reverbrating in my head... "Don't force it!" The hood refuses to budge. I press with a bit more force. Nothing. The hood is not going to cooperate. Debbie steps over to see what my NEW problem is. She reaches up, presses lightly on the hood... nothing. She provides a bit more pressure. Nothing. We now determine the trick is similar to the hiding of the battery and that there MUST be a hidden trigger that will allow the hood to close smoothly without warping it! WHERE THE HECK IS THAT OWNERS MANUAL?!?!?!?!? Fine. Found it. Instructions for closing the hood: "Press gently on the top of the hood." AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! Debbie and I are both standing in front of the car, reach up at the same time, and both press gently on either side of center of the hood. The hood smoothly and cooperatively closes. Sigh.
We move the Lucerne, hook up the jumper cables, and give it a go. Nothing. No way. That poor little 6-banger (with all of the electronics and oddly-placed battery!) is doing nothing to juice up that big ol' 8-cylinder monster. We give up. Really. We did. We took Debbie's vehicle to run our errand and called it a day.
End of story? VERY nice guy from the local GM dealership takes his time to come by the house to check it out, puts a charger on it, leaves me his card to call him, then tells me he charged it up and hopes it will still have enough juice to crank Monday morning so I can take it in to the shop. If you don't understand a small town, this is an example of something that happens frequently. Really. Anyway... took it in Monday morning (it cranked) and now have a brand new Delco battery that is starting me up like crazy!! The best thing? IT'S STILL UNDER THE HOOD!!!
Oh... and Debbie's Blazer hood? She hasn't tried to open it again but says she needs to take it to have the oil changed... and she'll let them deal with it. *chuckle*
Until the next time...
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